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I'm definitely at a crossroads at this moment in my life.

After five years as an attorney, and six years with the same office, my job no longer exists. After prison reform and government realignment, I have no work. Since the moment I started, there was a sense that this job would not last forever. I knew I had a good, sought after gig and I stuck with it, mostly because it was something that made me happy. I loved the work and the money was great.

Now, I find myself wondering what's next. I thought I had something lined up. I was so hopeful that my next step would be laid out in front of me. That something would fall in my lap, just as my first job had. It really looked like things were going to fall into place. This job was not a traditional attorney position and looked like it would be fun, challenging and flexible. I was in! After a pretty rigorous interview process, and actually missing my last day of work for the final interview, I was informed yesterday that I did not get the position.

I had my doubts, after I didn't hear from them on the day they said they would have a decision made, but the formal rejection still stung and left me feeling like all my eggs were in that basket, and I was suddenly empty handed.

I'm a little panicked.

Unfortunately my private law school student debt, and our other responsibilities make it impossible for me to stay home, or to take some sort of lower paying job (not that I've been offered any). As I apply for position after position, I realize just how great I have had it for the past five years. Some of these jobs just sound horrible, and the thought of working all. day. long. away from home just puts my stomach in knots. At this point, I'm getting desperate and I know I can handle it after an adjustment period, but man have I had it good.

I like to practice thinking positive, and up until yesterdays rejection I was feeling like I could visualize a new life, a better life with this change. So now I'm just trying to maintain visualizing a positive change, even though I don't know exactly what life will look like. I feel a little lost, and this is a very unfamiliar feeling for me. I have had the next step planned in my life....for my entire life.

So right now I'm hoping for something that challenges me, something that allows me to feel like a human with a life. Maybe something from home, or with a less traditional set up. I'm ready universe!