6 Months

Eloise is now half a year old. It's impossible. I just had her. I just brought her home. But alas. The calendar tells no lies.

It seems like a lot has changed for you this month. You are staying awake longer during the day and are so aware of your surroundings. You are interested in absolutely everything around you and I can tell already that you will be the kid who doesn't want to miss out on anything. We usually have to nurse in a quiet location so you aren't constantly rubbernecking.

Your motor skills really sharpened this month. You seem to have such great control of your head and your hands. You are great at grabbing what you want. You also love to kick your feet, which has made bath time pretty fun!

We went to a wine tasting event with our friends and decided to take you along. I'm glad we did. We had a lot of fun and you enjoyed the people watching!

Our Camellia bush was in full bloom this month. I tried to get a shot of  before our walk in the Bumbleride.

Sitting up on you changing table. Those cloth diapers really help to achieve some balance!

Maverick got to join you at Nana's while I worked one day. You both loved it. You are really starting to notice Maverick more, even if he rarely gives you the time of day. You light up every time he walks by. I know he will come around soon.

Out to dinner with daddy. You love to be out an about and are usually very cooperative while we eat. You usually attract the attention of our dining neighbors and you just eat up the attention.

Wearing your firetruck jammies from Uncle Timmy who was just hired as a firefighter! We are all so excited for him to head down his dream career path!

First St. Patrick's Day! Daddy made his famous corned beef and cabbage and we celebrated together. 

Impromptu photo session with your mint green skinny jeans. You were still a little wobbly in this picture, so the pillow was helping to prop you up. But you are sitting up on your own now!

My sweet little baby girl. You are just the best thing. We love you so much.

I love this moment. Reading the Sunday paper with Daddy and looking very suspicious of that Safeway ad!

Eloise at Six Months

Weight: 12lbs 11oz 
Height:   23.75 inches
Head:    41.5 cm
Diaper size- same
Clothing Size: 6 months 

Milestones:  It seems like E has really fine tuned her motor skills. Her dexterity and hand eye coordination have improved by leaps and bounds. She's holding her bottle when Daddy or her sitters feed her. She loves her toys and knows how to get them to work. Her head control is better and better and she is now sitting up unassisted. This just started within the last couple days. 

Sleep:  Waking up 1-2 times a night. I haven't been letting her cry as I'm trying to make sure she's eating well. She's slept through a few times, and once I stop worrying about her growth, I'll be back to the mom's on call sleep routine. 

She's completely  out of the swaddle and now sleeping on her tummy. It was something I tried during a nap and she slept so well we decided to do it at night. I know it's not recommended, but with her ability to roll over and head control, I felt better about it. It's definitely her preference at this point. 

Naps have gotten SO much better. It took about a week but she's finally napping in her crib when we are home. The only problem is she will only sleep for about 30-one hour in the crib and she then seems tired pretty quickly afterwards. I'd love to have two 1.5-2 hour naps but I'll take what we can get. 


Favorite Toys: books! She loves books and loves to have me read to her. We had to get to the library in order to add enough variety for me to stay sane. It's her favorite pre-nap ritual. I hope she grows up to enjoy reading. 

Still obsessed with the fisher price vanity toy. It's one of my favorite toys as well. 

Little Girl

It may be premature to write about this as I don't know exactly how worried to be. But here I am because this is where I go when I'm worried and don't want to harp on things to my friends and family.

Yesterday was E's 6 month check up. I was dreading it. I knew that E hadn't grown much. I was worried the Dr would tell me something was wrong. To give her formula, to get tested for hormonal problems, etc etc. Last time we were there he said he was a little worried about her height falling away from the curve. He said he would watch it and see. Her weight was fine in his eyes, but to me she just seemed so little.

I could tell her clothes weren't getting smaller and I just didn't want to think about it. Anyone who met her or saw her after a while would comment on how tiny she was. I would just smile but inside I was so worried. Why was my baby so small?  So after locking my keys in my car before work that morning, losing a very long and exhausting hearing, I was really, really not looking forward to our appointment.

The nurse was chipper as she lead us toward the room with the scale and measuring table. "Any guesses on her weight?" she sang.

"I just hope she's gained." my solemn tone sounded incredibly harsh following her perky question.

We measured first and I was dumbfounded. "did she shrink?" I asked and made her measure again. No. It was the same as last time. No growth.

She was only up 2oz on the scale.

My heart was pounding as we went back to the exam room. My sweet little baby hadn't grown. My mind instantly raced through the last 6 weeks. She had been eating well. My milk seemed fine. No real sickness. She had recently started sleeping better and we were getting into a nap routine. What the heck?

I felt tears welling.

It didn't help that the Dr. didn't enter the room for another 30 minutes. I was entertaining E all while googling about growth.

The Dr. came in and obviously hadn't looked at anything yet. Once he pulled her up on the computer, he wasn't very talkative and showed me her chart and said he wasn't too concerned. He said her weight was fine and she was very proportionate but her height was still borderline worrisome and if she fell away from the curve at the next appointment he'd order testing. I told him he had said that last time. I told him I just didn't understand, especially given mine and my husband's size. He thought about it and said he thought we should see a specialist. He said he'd refer me to an endocrinologist just to be safe, but that E is probably just growing in her own way and will catch up later.

I asked what the endo would do or say. He said his best guess is that the Dr. would say let's just wait and see. But he may order some blood work. I asked what the worst case scenario would be. He said worst case is she will be short.

Ok. I thought. Odd, as I always thought I'd have big kids. But ok. I can handle that.

It didn't even enter my mind until I was home that short could mean dwarf or little person. My heart hasn't stopped racing since the appointment. I don't know how to unconcern myself. If she's short-fine. If she's a little person, we can handle that. I'll love her just the same. I suppose it's just the unknown and the idea of something being "wrong". There's also extreme mom guilt that I've done something to stunt her growth or harm her in any way.

When I asked the Dr. if there's anything I should do or not do he said no. He was thrilled with her otherwise. She was babbling to him and smiling and so aware. I swear she shows off for him! He said she was just amazingly alert and happy and that we are doing everything right. He was very supportive of my breastfeeding and waiting to introduce solids until now. He said this was not an issue of nutrition or wellness in his eyes since she does not look sick and is so proportionate. He said it's either hormonal, genetics or just her own growth rate. He said to see if I could look and see if myself or my husband grew slowly at first. My baby books are packed away while my parents remodel their house, but B's mom sent us his stats and it looked like he was always a normal, above average sized baby. I would bet I was the same.

So now I wait for the endocrinologist to call me for an appointment. I can only hope he calms my nerves or gives us answers. I just can't help this sinking feeling I have as I try my best to will my baby to grow.

Dear Eloise,

I just adore you so, so much. I knew this love would be amazing and overwhelming and it certainly is, but it's so much more. Nothing has ever felt so right. 

I've been called a baby hog by your Grandma and your Dad. I can't help it. I want you always. But, you are just fine in almost anyone's arms. Sometimes you fuss for Dad the most, and it just breaks his heart. You love to play with him and love to look at him, but if I'm near, you want to sit on me and look at him. Sooner or later you will be a Daddy's girl, I'm sure.

We've been noticing that you love to be out and about. You are much happier when we are anywhere but home. And you love an audience. You pour on the charm whenever your realize anyone is looking. Cooing and wide-eyed, you love to entertain with your smile. Just last night you met Dad's best friend's parents for the first time. They had a houseful and instead of being scared you just looked all around and happily smiled as you were passed from one pair of arms to the next. Everyone commented on how happy you were and how social you seemed. I have to admit I was amazed myself. You were tired and probably a little hungry, but you powered through and loved on everyone.

We then went out to dinner and you ended up drifting off in your car seat so Daddy and I could enjoy our little date conversation. Your sweet nature and cooperation is not lost on me. I know you have such a great temperament.

 There is a strong gravitational pull I feel towards you. When I put you down at night I am relieved to know that you drift so peacefully to sleep, and that I 'll have a couple hours to catch up on the household chores and tv shows I've been neglecting, but after a few hours I miss you. And want to hold you again. And when too many hours have gone by at work I get anxious. Like there's a time limit on how long I can bear to be away from you. I think right now the longest has been 7 hours. I'm getting a little nervous that his isn't quite normal. That I shouldn't feel so out of place without you. I know there will come a day when I actually want to be away from you and will want to take a break. But not yet. Not right now.

I hope I'm giving enough attention to my work, friends, family and most importantly, your Dad. Because right now I'm just so incredibly lost in you and my love for you and my concern and joy in every moment of your life. Right now you come before all else, and I think that's how it should be. With Bremy in heaven and the worry I went through carrying you, I'm just letting myself enjoy you. In my heart I think I enjoy you even more given what we went through before you were here.

I hope you are enjoying us as well.

I love you my precious, darling girl!

All my Love,
Mommy

Five Months!

 Is it really the 24th again? My goodness, 5 months! This has been a great month for us. Our feeding is back on track and we've been busy, but not too busy!

You are such a happy, content baby. At this point I can take you anywhere and know you will cooperate. As long as I'm near and your tummy is full, you are just fine. You've definitely had some teething pain this month, but it mostly seems to bother you at night. There were a couple days where I thought you might be fighting a cold, you just weren't your smiling self. Nothing ever developed and you were back to yourself in no time. You love to chew and are getting really great at putting stuff into your mouth to chew or suck on!

We've had some beautiful days in the past month. We were out for a walk around the lagoon here.

You are a cuddle bug! You prefer mommy right now, but are happy to be in anyone's arms. You have started to nuzzle  which is adorable. Since birth you have been extremely tactile. Always touching and feeling everything. You love to touch me while you nurse and I have the little scratches to prove it. You love to pet everything and are always, always using your hands. You are also always moving your feet and love to kick your socks off!

January 26th-your uncle T proposed to your soon to be Auntie S! He had been planning it for a while and I don't think I've ever seen him more excited. Grandma helped him pick out the ring, and you and I waited impatiently to get any confirmation that the proposal was complete! He took S out on the boat they've shared many memories on and completely surprised her! 

January 31- I took you to UC Davis to participate in an infant cognition study. We were invited to participate soon after you were born, as they were looking for participants from your age group. I thought it would be interesting. It didn't take long, and you were very cooperative. You sat in my lap in a small room and I put dark sunglasses on so I couldn't see anything. In front of us was a pretty large TV. Beneath the TV was a camera, pointed up at your face. They showed different faces and were tracking to see if you recognized them. They were all different ethnicities  They showed you fun things in between the faces, in an effort to keep your attention. They'll be doing the research for a year or so, hopefully we can see what the results were once they are done. 

February 2- We attended a couples shower for daddy's friend, D. You got to meet some of his family and were on your best behavior. We wont be traveling to the wedding so I'm glad we were able to see them at their shower. 

February 3- Superbowl! Boy oh boy did we wish this would have turned out differently for our beloved 49ers. I still can't believe we lost. Daddy would not go to anyone's Superbowl party and did not want anyone coming over. You'd think he was playing! But, I can't even pretend that I don't get super into it as well and we were both irrationally devastated by the loss. 

February 9- A fun visit from your Auntie J. We had some girl talk and went to dinner. She brought you the sweetest outfit!

February 14- your first Valentine's day! You got several sweet Valentine's in the mail. Grandma and Grandpa were here for the weekend so we celebrated with them. Daddy brought me roses and see's candy. Yum!

February 16- We joined Grandma, Auntie S and her mom and sister in San Jose where we went bridal dress shopping. I didn't realize how much fun it would be! Auntie S is just so excited to get married and is a much easier-going bride than I ever was. We found her dream dress in about 15 minutes! She cried and we all got teary watching her! She is going to be a beautiful bride. You loved shopping and also loved all of the attention from the bridal shop attendants. It was a very special day and I'm so glad you were there, even though of course you wont remember. 

Eloise at 5 months!

Weight: 12lbs 8oz at 20 weeks
Height:   23 inches
Head:    40.2 cm
Diaper size- Size two disposables. We've just now adjusted the rise on the cloth diapers to the middle setting and leave two to three snaps unsnapped in the waist. 

Clothing Size: still fit in some 3 to 6 months but most clothes are 6 months now. 

Milestones:  In the past two weeks she has seemed more interested in rolling over.  She consistently rolls from tummy to back, but the back to tummy has only happened a couple times. Facial recognition is more obvious. Great hand-eye coordination. Everything is now getting put into the mouth if she can get her hands on it! She is especially excited when she can grab her fallen pacifier and put it back in her mouth. 
Voice tracking is really obvious at this point. Ellie lights up when she hears that her Daddy is home and seems to love to hear his voice. 



E loves to stand and bear weight on her legs. It's one of her favorite positions. She also loves to try to sit up. She does what we call baby crunches when shes in her boppy pillow and is able to hold herself up on her changing table. It's a little wobbly, though!


Ellie is pretty vocal and makes new sounds each day. Lots of cooing and little shrieks and now some giggles too!

Sleep:  we are still not quite back to sleeping consistently through the night. We had a few nights in a row, and I thought we were home free, but no such luck. B had to work some crazy early hours and I think it set us back because E was waking up when we was getting ready. This past week, she's been waking up once to eat and then awaking at 5 or 6 am. Our goal is to make it to at least 7 am. We're getting there. 

Nap time has been a nightmare since Christmas. E has refused to nap anywhere but in the car, sling or moby wrap, or on us. No crib, no cradle, no anywhere else. It works out ok when I'm working because she gets proper naps during the car rides, but it's got to change. We are now on day 3 of crib-nap boot camp and we are making some progress! 

We're also finally transitioning from the swaddle. No naps in the swaddle and we've done one arm out for the past couple nights in the crib. So far so good on that front. 



Favorite Toys: she loves to be holding things herself, so she loves this rattle with a small handle perfect for her current size.

We bought a jumperoo this month and while it seemed far too big for out little girl, she absolutely loves it. Right now she's entertained for about 10-15 minutes before she wants out, but what I love is that you can tell she feels like such a "big girl" in it. She always looks so proud to be in it!

Our friends got her this adorable toy and while E seems to really like it, I am obsessed with it. It's so adorable. I love the things that it says when you lift up the makeup items and I love that it has a mirror. I think E will like this for months to come.

Girls

This post isn't about my daughter. But someday it will be.

Girls can be really mean sometimes. Girls know how to mess with someone's mind like none other. And I'll reluctantly admit that if needed, I can run some pretty insane passive aggressive mind games. Cold shoulder? I'm on it. Being exclusive? I've done it. Not proud of it but I know exactly how to do it. And that's why I'm VERY good at knowing when someone is doing it to me. I'm ten steps ahead of any girl in that department. I will own you.

But I don't want to. And I haven't had to in what? 15 years?! That's why, at 29 I'm pretty much stopped dead in my tracks as I find myself dealing with girl drama. And, as it turns out, so are a few of my best friends (who live elsewhere).

I'm lucky to have some amazing best friends (aka my bridesmaids). I talk to them all almost each week and try to keep up with them as best I can. But only one lives close by ( an hour away). B has a huge group of very close friends from grade school. They are all still friends and even most of their spouses also grew up together. B is literally loyal to a fault and would do anything for these people. I struggled a bit to find my place with his group, but slowly did and became pretty close with a couple girls, particularly in the last 3-4 years.

I wont go into the specifics, but very recently it became clear that there was some sort of problem. The passive aggressive stuff started happening. "Forgetting" to invite us to things that we'd always been a part of. The silent treatment. The distance just grew and grew. I'm not at all afraid of confrontation. I prefer it to all the behind the back bull crap.  I tried to arrange a civil conversation, but was brushed off every time. I reached out to some of the other girls, but no one really gave me any insight. One of them felt really bad and tried to help out but it was no use. Finally, after about a month of begging, I got together with my friend and tried to have the big girl conversation. Unfortunately nothing was solved or answered as I was met with denials, lies and general ambivalence. It made me regret insisting on the meetup because it felt as though it just made things worse.

It's very hard not to talk about it with others, but as the "outsider" I don't know for sure if anything I say wont be twisted and repeated. I've asked if anyone knows what the problem is, but again I'm met with no real response. It's beginning to affect B's relationship with his life long guy friends and that's not what I want.

The hard part for me is that any other time this has happened to me in one form or another, I just move on, hang with my true friends, make plans with them, plan a party, keep busy, but here that's much harder to do. And with E in the picture I'm really caring less and less about these newer girlfriends. My only concern is that B doesn't lose his buddies.

It's been interesting to discuss this with my own life long friends. I've been surprised to hear a few of them tell me that they, too are having trouble with girls lately.

What gives?

I know first hand that my oldest girlfriends are amazing friends and wonderful people. It hurts me to know someone is hurting them for seemingly no reason. All four of us have no idea what we did wrong or how to handle the situation. It's hard not to get frustrated and upset. I've definitely shed a few tears over my own situation, mostly because I just don't know what to do. And I don't know what to tell my friends to do either. I've always preached the "talk it out method" and assume most people are good, rational people once you sit them down for a non aggressive conversation. But my own confrontation just left me feeling worse so I have a hard time recommending it. One of my friends was having an issue with her girlfriend for the past nine months and just this last month finally got to sit down with her and hash it out. They seemingly sorted out their (her) issues, but my girlfriend still feels so much frustration over it and it doesn't look like their friendship will ever be the same. That's how I feel about my situation. I just don't see how we can go back to "normal" now that we've had this crazy hiccup.

And like I mentioned earlier, now that E is here, I'm so wrapped up in my family that I just don't care enough to keep digging for answers. I'm cordial to this person and see her at various events, but our close friendship is no longer and we hardly speak at all. We used to talk every single day.

I'm looking forward to meeting new friends and also making some friends with babies E's age. That's a whole different post. Meeting moms has been interesting!

I just had to get this out and would love to hear anyone's thoughts on this topic.

I just wish we, as women, would be kinder to each other. It's hard to make friends, it shouldn't be so hard to keep them.

Make new friends, but keep the old. For one is silver, the other gold....so true right now!

Top 5 Products 0-4 Months

I've started this post about four times and end up quitting because I just list everything! Our baby sleeps best in this swaddle, loves these pacifiers and our pump and bottles work great. But here are the top five things we needed that may not be as obvious!

1. Tryp Reclining Glider by Best Chairs- So incredibly grateful for this piece of furniture. I cannot imagine sitting in an uncomfortable chair and also can't imagine not being able to put my feet up while nursing. This is by far my TOP purchase and I'm thankful for the many friends who encouraged me to splurge and told me I would not regret it--they were right!

2. Moby Wrap- this was a random purchase for me as I wasn't sure I'd use it. I got it pre-owned and am so glad we have it. E loves this so much and B and I find it very comfortable. We had been gifted a baby bjorn and we much prefer this. I think we might have to invest in an Ergo, Beco or Boba but for now, the Moby is what we make sure we have with us. I just watch youtube to figure out different holds. The only thing I don't like is the the fabric stretches out over time and it's so long, it's hard to avoid floor contact when putting it on in public. But overall we couldn't live without it and have used it constantly for four months.

3. Boppy Newborn Lounger- E loves this so much. She doesn't sleep in it much, but it's always been her favorite way to face us when not being held. We keep it on our coffee table for when we are not holding her but she is awake. It's been a great purchase because we use it just as much today as we did the day we brought her home!

4. Video baby Monitor- I don't know how people survived without video monitors! My goodness this has been a lifesaver. I love that I can log in via my iphone and see how she's doing. I keep the actual monitor on my nightstand where it stays, and then use my phone or the ipad to peek at her when I'm anywhere else. There was a huge hiccup in the iphone app that took way too long for them to correct, but it's fixed now and we are so glad we have this one.

5. Soft Gear Deluxe Changing Mat- I tried to find a cooshee but they are hard to find these days and this is what amazon suggested instead. It actually worked out perfect as we needed something to fit a smaller changing surface on the antique dresser we use as her changing table. E loves this thing and I do too. Easy to clean and nice and comfy. It's a must!

4 Months!

January was a rather rough month for us. Our milk supply issues had a domino effect and resulted in little sleep and a rather unhappy baby and weary mom and dad. But, at this point our happy baby seems to have returned and we are getting back to our routine! This month was pretty uneventful as far as what we did, but full of great memories with our baby girl. The highlight was E's first laugh which we had been anxiously waiting for! We are still working at getting them out of her, but it's just the best sound ever. 

 I've been working more regularly and E has been spending a lot more time with our great friend, S who is a stay at home mom and lives in our old neighborhood, where I work sometimes. I get a lot of mommy advice from her and we are on the same page with a lot of things. She helped so much to support me during our breast feeding woes, and it has been so much easier to work more knowing E is in her care. She even wears E in her sling which she kept (she has three boys who are now 5 and up) and E just loves it. Leaving her has been a lot easier on me emotionally. Now my stress is making sure I have enough milk to leave with her, but I'm finally getting a little freezer supply going, which is a huge relief.

Bath time is still her favorite time of day. She just loves to splash around and kick and "talk" to us. I find myself always singing to her and she doesn't mind that I am tone deaf and also make up the lyrics to everything. But her most favorite song is "ABC" she just loves it and tries her best to sing along which is adorable.

Eloise at Four Months

Weight: Will find out in a couple of weeks!
Height:   
Head:   
Diaper size- I'm trying to use up the last of the size one disposables but size 2 fit a bit better. We've let the cloth diapers out a little along the waist line and they are fitting great!

Clothing Size: 3-6 month clothes fit best, but we have so many cute 6 month outfits I've been using those as well with some room to grow. 

Milestones:  First laugh. Still not very consistent, but we've had several and they are the best. 

E is really loving her toys in the past few weeks. She is shaking her rattle and grabbing for anything within reach. She is also loving her play mat more and more and loves to grab for the hanging toys there as well. It's fun to see her really enjoy some of her toys. We have a light up piano that she absolutely loves. She also loves this rain stick ball! 

Ellie is pretty vocal and makes new sounds each day. Lots of cooing and little shrieks and now some giggles too!

Voice tracking is really obvious at this point. Ellie lights up when she hears that her Daddy is home and seems to love to hear his voice. 

We are definitely noticing some signs on teething: drooling, chewing hands and now, starting to put other object into her mouth. We've used the Hyland's teething tablets a couple times when she seems to be in pain before bed. It's hard to say whether they really work or not. 

Sleep: The past 4 weeks have been pretty rough on sleep. The feeding and supply issues really shook up our routine. I was waking up about three times at night to feed since she just seemed so hungry. Finally, we are getting back on track. The last few nights she has slept through the night and is waking  up in the morning closer and closer to her normal 7 am wake up time. 

Naps are getting tricky. I'm working more and that throws things off as far as a schedule. Also, since Christmas she pretty much refuses to nap outside of someone's arms. I can get her to sleep and then lay her down on the couch or back in her rock and play cradle, but she no longer goes down from the get-go. I know I could easily "break" her of this, but I'm just waiting for a day when I'm home and can put up with letting her cry!

Our loose routine is as follows:

7am-Wake Morning feed and change! 
730-E sits in her bouncy seat while I shower and change (unless I have to leave early for work and I'm already ready by the time E wakes up)
800- play
900- nap
10 or 1030- Feed and diaper change
1130-nap
1 or 130-Feed
130- play
4 or 430-feed
430-play
600-catnap
7 or 730-start bath
730 or 8 feed and to bed


Events to Remember:   

First New Year! We stayed home and were in bed like boring old first time parents!

First Laugh: 1/18/13

Forty Niners beast the Falcons and are going to the Super Bowl! 1/19/13

One Year Anniversary of finding out we were pregnant 1/24/13
Grandma's Birthday 1/24/13- we couldn't be with her but had fun picking out a "Grandma" birthday card and she loved it!