One Year of Eloise

At this time, one year ago, I was recovering from labor, holding a scrumptious little 7lb 8oz baby girl in my arms. The sun was pouring in the delivery room window and there was a noticeable quietness to the room. Just thirty minutes before, the room was full of frantic, primal cries, and a hectic flurry of nurses and hospital personnel. Now, just one nurse, finishing up paperwork, two brand new parents, quiet in a love haze, and a baby. A squishy, sleeping child. So new.

I remember the day so, so clearly, but the year has been somewhat of a blur. The changes have come so fast, the days just seem to disappear. Yet, here she is a babbling, teeny one year old.

Transforming into parents has been a seamless, much anticipated change in our lives, and while we are learning as we go, not a day has come where I've yearned for life before her. Life is infinitely better with this baby girl in our lives.

Happy Birthday to sweet Eloise, and happy Anniversary to B and me, parents for one year. What a year it has been.

11 Months!

Another month of fun with baby E. 

You attended your first wedding this month. My cousin, M had a sweet little wedding up in Chico where her mom's family lives. A great excuse to have Grandma and Grandpa up. It was a warm day for her wedding, but you did great...even if mama was melting!

 You finally met the extended family on my mom's side. You were quite popular!

 You love, love, love having G&G here! And you loved visiting them. You just had a blast!

 You also love story time. We try to make it every week.

 You have turned into the baby who squeals with excitement when daddy is home. As soon as you hear him, you stop whatever you are doing. Wave your arms and wont stop until he comes to get you. It's the best thing ever. We both just love it.

You are starting to get some more hair! It's a dark blonde. It gets lighter and then darker each week. 

 This month was Bremy's 2nd birthday. You are the reason it was not the worst day. 

 We love you more than words EBK!

Weight: We will find out at the 1 year visit!
Height:   
Head:    
Diaper size-  size 3 disposables 4 unsnapped across in cloth.
Clothing Size:  9 months with a few 12 month outfits

Milestones:  This month was an explosion of milestones. You are saying dada, mama, yay, a two syllable sound for "Maverick", a gurggling sound for "doggie", bay-beee, and make sounds that sound like ya, hello and hi. It's pretty cute. Dada you say all the time, the other words are not said on command in any way so we just try to encourage you to make the sounds. I love your little voice. You are a lot more comfortable standing, but still no walking. You took some steps on your own with your walker toy and we thought you would be off soon, but you haven't tried on your own. You've been clapping since around 7 months and it is still one of your favorite things, you do the "roll it" motion during patty cake and clap along to that song as well. I really should write more down because I always feel like I forget things when I come to write these posts. 

Eating-  Still a great eater. You did great with lots of eating out when we visited Socal. Cheesecake factory offered us a baby plate-banana slices and slices of bread. Gotta love that BLW is commonplace. 

You are still nursing about 5 times a day.

Sleep: Consistently sleeping 11 hours through the night this month. Two naps, for about an hour each.

Favorite Toys: Loves the push car after riding one at Nana B's. We got one of our own for  you. Loves the walker, and of course anything that isn't a toy. Loves to go through bags and wallets! Just started some interest in puzzles. 

                                                       

10 Months!

Better late than never...

This month was full of big changes. Gone is our infant and here is our almost toddler. I''m in love with your sunny, charismatic personality, but will admit I miss my snuggly little baby.

You still love to be out and about and I can count on you to behave during meals and outings, which is really nice. Auntie A and Uncle M were up north for a wedding and we managed to see them for a Sunday brunch in Oakland. It was quite lovely, and of course you were all smiles.

It was a very hot 4th, so we were happy to attend a pool party at S's parents home across town. You are still not in love with the pool, but you tolertated it for an hour or so. I had run to Target that morning to find a float for you, and couldn't resist a clearance American flag bikini. My little American girl!

A few days later was my 30th birthday. I had always hoped to get away for my 30th, but with me losing my job this month, it just wasn't pracical. It ended up being a really fun weekend and definitely the best birthday I've had in a while. Several dinners with family and friends, a date day with your daddy (including a movie!), nice gifts and a happy baby. I don't think I could have asked for anything more and in the end it was nice to be home to enjoy those around us.

The rest of the month was fairly quiet. I wrapped up work which was no fun. I love my job and am very sad that I can't continue with such an ideal situation for our family. But, I'm very excited to see what life has in store.

Weight: 
Height:   
Head:    
Diaper size- moved up to size 3 disposables 4 unsnapped across in cloth.
Clothing Size:  Mostly 9 month clothes now

All tests have come back clear on any hormonal issues regarding her growth. She's growing slowly but surely, but is still so tiny!

Milestones:  Second bottom tooth has appeared, though not fully out quite yet. Crawling faster and faster and now pulling up on all objects. A few cruises along the furniture, but still very unsure of walking. Talking (babbling) all day long, with dada being the most prevalent sound by far. Makes a "hiii" sound when greeted, says bababa and mimics inflections really well. Responds to the word "no" as well as her name. Loves to facetime and recognizes the signature ring whenever we are calling anyone. Loves to see her own reflection and pictures. 

Eating-  Still loves eating but has stopped eating veggies. She sees them and removes them from her plate. We rely on the squeeze pouches of baby food to get vegetables in her and are still trying to offer greens as much as possible. 

Continues to nurse well and can make it about 5 hours between, if needed although usually we feed every three to four hours.

Sleep: After some very hard work, she is back to sleeping like a champ. The past three weeks she is napping 1.5 hours two times a day and falling asleep on her own very consistently. Night time is about 11 hours of straight sleep,although she has now started waking up at 530 after a 7pm bed time. We are working on getting back to 630am!

Favorite Toys: loves to rip up paper and loves to touch and handle anything that is not a toy. While getting ready for my birthday dinner, I desperately offered her a basket of hotel sample toiletries and other semi safe objects and let her  play with them as I did my hair. She was obsessed and it kept her busy for a good half hour!

Going Home

At the end of July, I went home to Southern California for the first time in almost two years. I cannot believe it had been that long. But, with buying and remodeling a house and then a very restricted pregnancy, there was just never time to make the trip down. My parents come up north almost once a month, but thanks to my brother's fiance's bridal shower in her hometown, I finally had a reason and the opportunity to visit!

Originally, it was just going to be E and I, but at the last minute B was able to get the time off. We had a complete blast!

We ate our way through town. There were so many places I've been missing! Most importantly, I introduced E to some real Mexican food. I love living in  Norcal, but the Mexican food up here does NOT compare!

We also enjoyed a lunch on the beach and E got her first "walk" in the sand and her first up close glimpse at the ocean. I was pleasantly surprised that she reacted so enthusiastically. She got really excited as soon as we made our way on to the beach and was just mesmerized by it all. 

 Two very long time friends just had their first babies and I was chomping at the bit to hold those beautiful girls! Baby Q and baby T did not disappoint. It was just a dream to see my childhood friends as mommies.

E mostly seemed oblivious to baby Q, that is until I lifted her up to see and she tried to grab Q's eyeball!

 So fun to see the brand new baby and the brand new Mommy! 

Baby Q at just 11 days old! She is the teeniest little angel baby. I could have held her all day long. I was also so excited to see Auntie K's new house. Absolutely gorgeous! I also could have just stayed there all day!

 The next day we traveled to Auntie A's new house in Los Angeles. It was so fun to see. Baby T is on the right. My naked baby felt right at home and both girls made themselves quite comfortable there. We made a whole day of it and I really enjoyed catching up with my girlfriends. We are hoping Auntie A gives them a cousin soon!

Of course the reason for our trip was to attend Auntie S's bridal shower. She is from such a beautiful little town in the Santa Barbara wine country. It was a gorgeous day and a lovely shower. It was a little warm, and definitely wore E out. She took a good nap while we had a little after-shower wine tasting at the wedding venue!

We reconnected with some old neighbors whose kids used to babysit me and my brother. They now have big kids of their own. E met several of them, and had fun playing with the baby of the family, K. He let her borrow his push car and we laughed until we cried watching E convulse with excitement when we pushed her in this thing. It was just precious. 

E's schedule was nowhere to be found all week and she did great. Slept like a champ and just absolutely loved being out and about. There were several late dinners, long drives and days where she was in and out of the car seat twenty times. This girl loves to socialize and I'm so glad because we had a blast. It was a great, much needed trip!

Fork

I'm definitely at a crossroads at this moment in my life.

After five years as an attorney, and six years with the same office, my job no longer exists. After prison reform and government realignment, I have no work. Since the moment I started, there was a sense that this job would not last forever. I knew I had a good, sought after gig and I stuck with it, mostly because it was something that made me happy. I loved the work and the money was great.

Now, I find myself wondering what's next. I thought I had something lined up. I was so hopeful that my next step would be laid out in front of me. That something would fall in my lap, just as my first job had. It really looked like things were going to fall into place. This job was not a traditional attorney position and looked like it would be fun, challenging and flexible. I was in! After a pretty rigorous interview process, and actually missing my last day of work for the final interview, I was informed yesterday that I did not get the position.

I had my doubts, after I didn't hear from them on the day they said they would have a decision made, but the formal rejection still stung and left me feeling like all my eggs were in that basket, and I was suddenly empty handed.

I'm a little panicked.

Unfortunately my private law school student debt, and our other responsibilities make it impossible for me to stay home, or to take some sort of lower paying job (not that I've been offered any). As I apply for position after position, I realize just how great I have had it for the past five years. Some of these jobs just sound horrible, and the thought of working all. day. long. away from home just puts my stomach in knots. At this point, I'm getting desperate and I know I can handle it after an adjustment period, but man have I had it good.

I like to practice thinking positive, and up until yesterdays rejection I was feeling like I could visualize a new life, a better life with this change. So now I'm just trying to maintain visualizing a positive change, even though I don't know exactly what life will look like. I feel a little lost, and this is a very unfamiliar feeling for me. I have had the next step planned in my life....for my entire life.

So right now I'm hoping for something that challenges me, something that allows me to feel like a human with a life. Maybe something from home, or with a less traditional set up. I'm ready universe!

Dear Bremy Belle,

yesterday was your second birthday. I tried to write this post four times, but the right words just wouldn't come...

It's been two years since I've felt you. I miss you more than I could ever describe. But, I'm able to say your name in a conversation without choking now. I'm able to think of you without the tears welling. Time, and more so your baby sister, are patching my broken heart together.

I'll never forget the moment I knew you existed. I'd taken many pregnancy tests in the three months prior, and casually decided to take one before I took a long bath. And there it was. Two very faint lines. I'll never forget that my reaction was to thank God instantly. I just felt so thankful from that very moment.

From that moment on, there was no going back. I was in a different frame of mind. A different, more exciting place. Life was instantly put in fast forward.

For 22 weeks my pregnancy with you was so much fun. I felt really great and felt like I looked good too! You were so incredibly active and I could feel every flutter so early on. I just loved that. When you were stolen from me, it was your kicks I missed the most.

We knew from your activity that you were so spunky. I feel like I can imagine the kind of baby and child you would have been.

I want to keep your memory alive, I want Ellie to know that she had a sister named Bremy. So many have reached out to me, to say they are thinking of us. I appreciate that there are people who understand that this is hard. I don't know why it's so hard for us, but it has been. Our hearts were shattered and while we're functioning and so incredibly happy to have your baby sister, it still feels so fresh.

Daddy and I spent the evening talking about you. He revealed some painful memories of the morning you were born, and said it's hard for him to know that there are some people in our life who look at your loss as a miscarriage and don't acknowledge the gravity of the toll it took. But for every person who brushes it off, there's two more who get it and have been so caring towards our family. We are lucky to have the support we have.

I truly hope we will meet again. I hope you are that spunky personality I imagine that you are.

Bremy you changed our lives in immeasurable ways. You prepared my heart for motherhood and opened my heart.

I love you and miss you.

All my love,

Mommy

9 Months

How do I have a 9 month old?

What a fun month! I just love being your mommy. I don't know how to put this exactly, but I haven't taken being your mom for granted in the least. I am grateful for each day and for all of the shared moments. I consider myself lucky and so thankful for this life.

The level of interaction has changed so dramatically in the past couple months. So much laughing and communication, it's amazing. I'm really enjoying this stage!

 On 5/25/13 Daddy got tickets to another Giants game, and while I was nervous about sitting in normal seats, we decided to take you. It was a really long game, but you did great overall. It's getting harder to get you to nap in public, so I was glad you at least got a catnap in. Good thing, because the game went into extra innings and the Giants won after an in the park home run! I'd never seen an in the parker before! Super exciting.

That would be a tired baby in the beco carrier right there!!

Memorial Day weekend was spent by the pool with friends.  Here you are with one of your biggest fans, I, eating watermelon, of course!

A new outfit from mommy. One of my favorites on you!

We were able to get to story time a few times this month. It's funny how you've become more reserved, where you used to be so animated at these. Now, you make sure I'm near, and stare in amazement rather than laugh and smile the whole time. By the end, you seem to let loose and enjoy. This month you started to dance whenever you hear music. I may be biased, but I'm telling you, you have good rhythm. We discovered several weeks ago that you LOVE the live version of Eric Church's "Over when it's over" you light up as soon as you hear the instrumental intro. We may play it constantly....

We took two weeks of swim "lessons" this month. It was more of a float with mommy class. You were by far the youngest in the group, and while you tolerated the water, you never seemed to love it. Thankfully, you never cried so we just enjoyed the cool down each night.

You are getting a lot stronger and a lot more brave. Here you are trying to pull up in the tub. You've yet to pull up on furniture, though. You just recently started to crawl. You've been trying your darndest for the past few weeks and finally, you are up on all fours. You love moving around, but are still moving nice and slow and we are just fine with that!

This month also brought father's day. Grandma and Grandpa were here for the weekend with us and we had a really nice, low-key visit which was great. Your daddy loves you so much and your relationship is becoming even sweeter as you grow. He is SUCH a proud dad. Since the moment you were born, multiple strangers have come up to us and said commented on how proud, excited, happy, exuberant your father looks. One day it happened twice! It makes me so happy to see him so happy.  You also love your Grandpa and he is quite smitten with you. It's such a sweet thing to see.

Weight: 14lbs 15oz
Height:   24.7 inches
Head:    43.2 cm
Diaper size- size 2 disposables 4 unsnapped across in cloth.
Clothing Size:  6-9 months with some 9 month outfits fitting!

Milestones:  First tooth came in slowly but surely. Front bottom right tooth. Crawling! Saying dada, and lots of baa sounds. Able to get back to sitting position from crawl position, pulling up to knees on objects and some slight standing in bathtub, on mom and in crib.  Dancing (girl has some rhythm), clapping and just started waving.

Eating-  Eating is a favorite activity and even with only one tooth, she is able to eat anything. She loves feeding herself. Loves the sippy cup and can now drink from a straw. She is starting to prefer fruit (and still sweet potatoes) and turning her nose up to greens. I tried spoon feeding some veggies to try to get some nutritional balance and it did not go over well at all! So we're going to have to figure out some ways to make veggies more appealing.

Not a fan of peas! 

Nursing is going really well! Pretty much every 4 hours still. 

Sleep: eeeeek! All of a sudden my sweet nighttime routine baby was no longer peacefully drifting off at nighttime and this slowly crept into nap time as well. I tried a gentle approach, but ultimately crying it out was the only answer. As of the past two weeks we are sort of back on track. Still crying some nights, but mostly putting herself to sleep pretty well. Once she's asleep she's been sleeping great!

We are on a consistent two naps a day. One in the morning and the other in the early afternoon. They are about 1.5 hours each. Bedtime is between 7-8pm and wake up has been 630 mostly.

Loves to play!

Favorite Toys: Anything she can bang together. Loves her baby dolls and anything that talks to her. Grandma brought her a fisher price picnic basket which has been a hit!

Love you to pieces!