Bed [Ar]rest

We got some not so good news yesterday. After our little girls head measurement came back abnormal, my dr. sent me to a perinatologist to get her re measured to makes sure nothing was actually wrong. Turns out baby girl is measuring perfectly, but my cervix is not.

They performed a vaginal ultrasound to take a look and found that my cervix was dilated to 1cm and my fluid sac had descended. I had never met this dr. before and she was literally horrible at delivering the news. I know this is very serious, but she could not have made it seem any worse.

Unfortunately I was at the appointment alone as it was too early for B to get there from work. I cried as she told me there was zero possibility of me taking this baby to term. Our new goal was to get her to an age where she would survive and have a somewhat normal quality of life. Do you know how much that statement stung?

I was a 10lb+ baby and my hubby was over 8lbs. I have never once thought of the possibility of a preemie. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, so this whole pregnancy has been focused on making sure she doesn't get too big. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing.

I'm pretty sure this Dr. has never been pregnant. She was so clinical and offered zero reassurance. She also advised I take a formal tour of the NICU so that I can make an informed decision on whether to keep my baby alive if she is born at a questionable age.

She told me to go on strict bed rest and to come back in a week. I am self employed so this is absolute financial devastation for us. I have no idea what we will do. I've been trying my best to save for her arrival, but I had a long way to go.

I will be 23 weeks on Monday. I'm praying she makes it to 35 weeks, but was told it's a long shot.

I'm still in shock and don't really know what to think or do. I'm home with my feet up fighting back the tears, trying to stay as calm as possible for our little girl.