Here are my last pictures with baby Bremy still inside me. I was over the moon those last two weeks because I felt like I actually looked pregnant, finally.
What I wouldn't give to have her back in there. I am constantly rubbing my belly, forgetting she is no longer there. It's like it's a natural reflex now. Last night I felt a twitch in my lower belly and put my hand down there, without thinking. I burst into tears and cried for a long time once I realized that sensation was not my baby moving. I had been tear-free for a long time all day and that moment just broke me right back into a million pieces. But I'm patching myself back together, just taking it day by day.
If sharing helps you to deal with your grief, my friend's blog is http://letterstonoah.blogspot.com/ . On her blog, she has a list of infant-loss blogs. Also, you can visit http://www.facebook.com/August19thDayofHope and http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/ . People you know may get embarassed when talking about infant loss. It's not common, so people don't know how to address your loss. But there are infant loss support groups out there.
ReplyDeleteyou are so beautiful with that baby girl in your belly! I am so sorry Amy! I can't even imagine. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to send you the biggest hug. I am so very sorry for your loss, you are a sweet, wonderful mother and while no amount of time will ease your pain, I want you to know that it will get better. You will be and ARE an amazing mother-- I am so happy that you are able to come to grips with your emotions: the joy, the pain, and the wonder of it all. I understand your pain as I have been there...three times. It is the little things that some of us take for granted and its those same little things that others in the world, like yourself, would just give the world to have (your description of seeing her write her name on her homework made me smile as tears rolled down my eyes). I wish you, B and baby Bremy nothing but peace and happiness as well as hope and faith that your heart will mend, your souls will endure and your little angel will never be forgotten.
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