Sunday, March 31, 2013

6 Months

Eloise is now half a year old. It's impossible. I just had her. I just brought her home. But alas. The calendar tells no lies.

It seems like a lot has changed for you this month. You are staying awake longer during the day and are so aware of your surroundings. You are interested in absolutely everything around you and I can tell already that you will be the kid who doesn't want to miss out on anything. We usually have to nurse in a quiet location so you aren't constantly rubbernecking.

Your motor skills really sharpened this month. You seem to have such great control of your head and your hands. You are great at grabbing what you want. You also love to kick your feet, which has made bath time pretty fun!
We went to a wine tasting event with our friends and decided to take you along. I'm glad we did. We had a lot of fun and you enjoyed the people watching!
Our Camellia bush was in full bloom this month. I tried to get a shot of  before our walk in the Bumbleride.
Sitting up on you changing table. Those cloth diapers really help to achieve some balance!
Maverick got to join you at Nana's while I worked one day. You both loved it. You are really starting to notice Maverick more, even if he rarely gives you the time of day. You light up every time he walks by. I know he will come around soon.

Out to dinner with daddy. You love to be out an about and are usually very cooperative while we eat. You usually attract the attention of our dining neighbors and you just eat up the attention.
Wearing your firetruck jammies from Uncle Timmy who was just hired as a firefighter! We are all so excited for him to head down his dream career path!

First St. Patrick's Day! Daddy made his famous corned beef and cabbage and we celebrated together. 

Impromptu photo session with your mint green skinny jeans. You were still a little wobbly in this picture, so the pillow was helping to prop you up. But you are sitting up on your own now!

My sweet little baby girl. You are just the best thing. We love you so much.
I love this moment. Reading the Sunday paper with Daddy and looking very suspicious of that Safeway ad!

Eloise at Six Months

Weight: 12lbs 11oz 
Height:   23.75 inches
Head:    41.5 cm
Diaper size- same
Clothing Size: 6 months 

Milestones:  It seems like E has really fine tuned her motor skills. Her dexterity and hand eye coordination have improved by leaps and bounds. She's holding her bottle when Daddy or her sitters feed her. She loves her toys and knows how to get them to work. Her head control is better and better and she is now sitting up unassisted. This just started within the last couple days. 

Sleep:  Waking up 1-2 times a night. I haven't been letting her cry as I'm trying to make sure she's eating well. She's slept through a few times, and once I stop worrying about her growth, I'll be back to the mom's on call sleep routine. 

She's completely  out of the swaddle and now sleeping on her tummy. It was something I tried during a nap and she slept so well we decided to do it at night. I know it's not recommended, but with her ability to roll over and head control, I felt better about it. It's definitely her preference at this point. 

Naps have gotten SO much better. It took about a week but she's finally napping in her crib when we are home. The only problem is she will only sleep for about 30-one hour in the crib and she then seems tired pretty quickly afterwards. I'd love to have two 1.5-2 hour naps but I'll take what we can get. 

Favorite Toys: books! She loves books and loves to have me read to her. We had to get to the library in order to add enough variety for me to stay sane. It's her favorite pre-nap ritual. I hope she grows up to enjoy reading. 

Still obsessed with the fisher price vanity toy. It's one of my favorite toys as well. 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Little Girl

It may be premature to write about this as I don't know exactly how worried to be. But here I am because this is where I go when I'm worried and don't want to harp on things to my friends and family.

Yesterday was E's 6 month check up. I was dreading it. I knew that E hadn't grown much. I was worried the Dr would tell me something was wrong. To give her formula, to get tested for hormonal problems, etc etc. Last time we were there he said he was a little worried about her height falling away from the curve. He said he would watch it and see. Her weight was fine in his eyes, but to me she just seemed so little.

I could tell her clothes weren't getting smaller and I just didn't want to think about it. Anyone who met her or saw her after a while would comment on how tiny she was. I would just smile but inside I was so worried. Why was my baby so small?  So after locking my keys in my car before work that morning, losing a very long and exhausting hearing, I was really, really not looking forward to our appointment.

The nurse was chipper as she lead us toward the room with the scale and measuring table. "Any guesses on her weight?" she sang.

"I just hope she's gained." my solemn tone sounded incredibly harsh following her perky question.

We measured first and I was dumbfounded. "did she shrink?" I asked and made her measure again. No. It was the same as last time. No growth.

She was only up 2oz on the scale.

My heart was pounding as we went back to the exam room. My sweet little baby hadn't grown. My mind instantly raced through the last 6 weeks. She had been eating well. My milk seemed fine. No real sickness. She had recently started sleeping better and we were getting into a nap routine. What the heck?

I felt tears welling.

It didn't help that the Dr. didn't enter the room for another 30 minutes. I was entertaining E all while googling about growth.

The Dr. came in and obviously hadn't looked at anything yet. Once he pulled her up on the computer, he wasn't very talkative and showed me her chart and said he wasn't too concerned. He said her weight was fine and she was very proportionate but her height was still borderline worrisome and if she fell away from the curve at the next appointment he'd order testing. I told him he had said that last time. I told him I just didn't understand, especially given mine and my husband's size. He thought about it and said he thought we should see a specialist. He said he'd refer me to an endocrinologist just to be safe, but that E is probably just growing in her own way and will catch up later.

I asked what the endo would do or say. He said his best guess is that the Dr. would say let's just wait and see. But he may order some blood work. I asked what the worst case scenario would be. He said worst case is she will be short.

Ok. I thought. Odd, as I always thought I'd have big kids. But ok. I can handle that.

It didn't even enter my mind until I was home that short could mean dwarf or little person. My heart hasn't stopped racing since the appointment. I don't know how to unconcern myself. If she's short-fine. If she's a little person, we can handle that. I'll love her just the same. I suppose it's just the unknown and the idea of something being "wrong". There's also extreme mom guilt that I've done something to stunt her growth or harm her in any way.

When I asked the Dr. if there's anything I should do or not do he said no. He was thrilled with her otherwise. She was babbling to him and smiling and so aware. I swear she shows off for him! He said she was just amazingly alert and happy and that we are doing everything right. He was very supportive of my breastfeeding and waiting to introduce solids until now. He said this was not an issue of nutrition or wellness in his eyes since she does not look sick and is so proportionate. He said it's either hormonal, genetics or just her own growth rate. He said to see if I could look and see if myself or my husband grew slowly at first. My baby books are packed away while my parents remodel their house, but B's mom sent us his stats and it looked like he was always a normal, above average sized baby. I would bet I was the same.

So now I wait for the endocrinologist to call me for an appointment. I can only hope he calms my nerves or gives us answers. I just can't help this sinking feeling I have as I try my best to will my baby to grow.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Dear Eloise,

I just adore you so, so much. I knew this love would be amazing and overwhelming and it certainly is, but it's so much more. Nothing has ever felt so right. 

I've been called a baby hog by your Grandma and your Dad. I can't help it. I want you always. But, you are just fine in almost anyone's arms. Sometimes you fuss for Dad the most, and it just breaks his heart. You love to play with him and love to look at him, but if I'm near, you want to sit on me and look at him. Sooner or later you will be a Daddy's girl, I'm sure.

We've been noticing that you love to be out and about. You are much happier when we are anywhere but home. And you love an audience. You pour on the charm whenever your realize anyone is looking. Cooing and wide-eyed, you love to entertain with your smile. Just last night you met Dad's best friend's parents for the first time. They had a houseful and instead of being scared you just looked all around and happily smiled as you were passed from one pair of arms to the next. Everyone commented on how happy you were and how social you seemed. I have to admit I was amazed myself. You were tired and probably a little hungry, but you powered through and loved on everyone.

We then went out to dinner and you ended up drifting off in your car seat so Daddy and I could enjoy our little date conversation. Your sweet nature and cooperation is not lost on me. I know you have such a great temperament.

 There is a strong gravitational pull I feel towards you. When I put you down at night I am relieved to know that you drift so peacefully to sleep, and that I 'll have a couple hours to catch up on the household chores and tv shows I've been neglecting, but after a few hours I miss you. And want to hold you again. And when too many hours have gone by at work I get anxious. Like there's a time limit on how long I can bear to be away from you. I think right now the longest has been 7 hours. I'm getting a little nervous that his isn't quite normal. That I shouldn't feel so out of place without you. I know there will come a day when I actually want to be away from you and will want to take a break. But not yet. Not right now.

I hope I'm giving enough attention to my work, friends, family and most importantly, your Dad. Because right now I'm just so incredibly lost in you and my love for you and my concern and joy in every moment of your life. Right now you come before all else, and I think that's how it should be. With Bremy in heaven and the worry I went through carrying you, I'm just letting myself enjoy you. In my heart I think I enjoy you even more given what we went through before you were here.

I hope you are enjoying us as well.

I love you my precious, darling girl!

All my Love,