Saturday, December 7, 2013

Turkey Day

Thanksgiving 2013 is in the books. Lots of work in the kitchen-but after hosting this feast SIX times, I've got it down. I wouldn't mind being a guest at someone's Thanksgiving next year though. E loved having both sets of grandparents here and overall it was a very low key day full of love and thankfulness.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


I've always, always known what it is that I want. From outfits, to friends, to men, to vacations, weddings, homes, schools, majors, law school. I've rarely had moments in my life where I haven't had a 'vision'. I love my visions, they are what have kept me motivated in life, school, hell even decorating. Anything I've ever really wanted has been envisioned, where I feel like I see it before it even happens. 

Right now, I'm just lost. I have no job and it's eating at my soul. The real, true problem is I just don't know what I want to do. 

I learned a very important thing when I started dating B. He was someone who did not put a value on  material things or money. He worked very hard during his work day, but he couldn't wait to come home and just be home. That idea was so foreign to me at the time. In college and in law school I only came home to sleep. The rest of the time I was working, studying or playing. I found it so comforting to embrace this idea of being home. The idea is really what kept me from pursuing a crazy legal job where I worked 60 hours plus a week. I was determined to find a job where I could actually have a life. 

 I remember telling people I wanted a job where I worked essentially part time, didn't have someone hovering over my shoulder supervising me, and where I was paid more than I thought I deserved. And that exact job was handed to me on a silver platter. No resume. No interviews. I interned there and was hired there. 

I'm over the fact that I will probably not find another job like that one. Earning a full time pay on part time work is hard to come by, I am finally wrapping my head around that. I'm ready to work. I'm ready to do this and provide for my family once again. But, I also want to be home. With B. With E. I want that so badly. 

Is that a lawyer job? Is that opening my own office? Is that working for the government? Is it getting involved in selling real estate which was always my plan B before law school? Is it learning more about my favorite hobby, photography and integrating that with another job? Instead of a vision I just see this big blank page. Or rather a page with random things scribbled everywhere. And it's incredibly disturbing. 

Right now I'm the reluctant stay at home mom. And I can't even disguise how much I just love this time. I relish in it and am on such a high until I see our bank account, or until I realize another week has gone by, and no call backs from the 10 jobs I applied for two weeks ago. It's just this horrible missing piece in my life, but all of the other pieces are there and they are so beautiful. 

I've noticed the older generation of people in my life tell me to just enjoy it, to take this time in and be grateful. And I really am. This past year I've had such introspect into what a joy life is and what an absolute gift my baby is. It is just not lost on me in the slightest. But, I do enjoy having money and I do enjoy working and using my own talents to help and benefit others. I want that piece to fit into my life. 

I just don't want it to be the biggest piece. 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013


I'd been trying to get some outdoor and creative pictures of E for her first birthday. I had trouble getting her newborn photographer to commit to a date, so on a random evening, my mother in law and I ventured to the walking path behind my home, with an old chair of hers, some dresses and headbands and  a super smiley baby. I was shocked as she had screamed and cried for some groupon pictures at Penney's the weekend before. I'm still a complete novice with my camera, but I'm really in love with these pictures, mostly because they show off the sweet personality that I get to see each day in my daughter.

 I also am so glad I was able to capture these moments with my own little camera and our own stuff. The dress is from the thrift store, the headband was $2 and the pettiskirt was a gift from Auntie K. The chair is about to get reupholstered so my mother in law was happy to lend it to the photo shoot as she wasn't concerned about it getting dirty.

 So much fun!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

12 Months!

A year old!

You are really starting to act like a toddler, and truthfully the last two weeks have been more difficult. Not sure if it's because those top teeth are almost all the way in, or if this is just normal behavior for a one year old, but for the first time in a long time I feel worn out! You are going through a "mommy magnet" stage where you panic if I'm out of sight or hand you off to anyone that isn't very familiar (and sometimes freak with those people too). It's been very frustrating. You will go to daddy most of the time, but it takes you a long while to warm up to anyone else. Other than that you've just been much more cranky than usual. I'm not used to it and miss my easy going, happy baby. It looks like walking is just around the corner, so hopefully that milestone will enable you to feel more independent and happy.

Despite this, we still had a really fun month.
 Since I've been home with you, we have been hitting up story time each week, and also tried out gymnastics "open gym for little ones". You weren't that into it, but we'll try it again once you are more mobile.
 You love to eat!
 I've been walking four times a week and you are very cooperative for that, thankfully!
 You love wallets and bags and are entertained for hours going through each pocket. Ok, not hours, but a good twenty minutes!
 I had some serious doubts, but you behaved wonderfully at Uncle T's wedding. You did cry when we tried to hand you off to your Auntie J, but you were an angel for the ceremony and I just held on to you until dinner was over. You were beyond tired, so you didn't put up a fight when others held you while I danced and had a glass of wine, or five. Neither of us had slept the night before, so we really rallied for the occasion! It was a gorgeous wedding in the Santa Ynez wine country, where Auntie S grew up. The weather was perfection and we all had such a great time. I'm so glad you were so good!

 And of course, it's football season! You have been doing the "so big" arms in he air for a while now, so we are trying to use that motion for "touchdown". It's pretty adorable!
Eloise at 12 Months
Weight: 17lb 12.4 oz and in the 19% percentile! 
Height:   26.75 inches...still not even on the chart, but quite a growth spurt nonetheless!
Head:    45.4 cm
Diaper size-  size 3 disposables 4 unsnapped across in cloth.
Clothing Size:  12 month onesies and sleepers,  with some 9 month separates still fitting
Milestones:  Standing with great balance, squatting and picking up items and returning to standing, but still no steps on her own. Babbling non stop but no new sounds since last month. Able to retrieve items we ask for. Still loves to play patty cake, peek a boo and sing a song with hand movements from our story time group "Ellie over the ocean" she is mimicking the hand motions pretty well. Loves to do "so big" with arms in the air when we ask, "How big is Ellie?". 

Eating-  A great eater in general, but still difficult to get her to eat veggies without them being pureed. 

Sleep: We spent 10 days in SoCal for the wedding and changed locations three times. It definitely took it's toll on sleep and routine. Since we've been back she's been waking up about once per night.

Favorite Toys: Pretty much the same as last month. She got lots of new toys for her birthday, including her very own purse from Auntie K and fam! She was elated!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

One Year of Eloise

At this time, one year ago, I was recovering from labor, holding a scrumptious little 7lb 8oz baby girl in my arms. The sun was pouring in the delivery room window and there was a noticeable quietness to the room. Just thirty minutes before, the room was full of frantic, primal cries, and a hectic flurry of nurses and hospital personnel. Now, just one nurse, finishing up paperwork, two brand new parents, quiet in a love haze, and a baby. A squishy, sleeping child. So new.

I remember the day so, so clearly, but the year has been somewhat of a blur. The changes have come so fast, the days just seem to disappear. Yet, here she is a babbling, teeny one year old.

Transforming into parents has been a seamless, much anticipated change in our lives, and while we are learning as we go, not a day has come where I've yearned for life before her. Life is infinitely better with this baby girl in our lives.

Happy Birthday to sweet Eloise, and happy Anniversary to B and me, parents for one year. What a year it has been.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

11 Months!

Another month of fun with baby E. 

You attended your first wedding this month. My cousin, M had a sweet little wedding up in Chico where her mom's family lives. A great excuse to have Grandma and Grandpa up. It was a warm day for her wedding, but you did great...even if mama was melting!

 You finally met the extended family on my mom's side. You were quite popular!
 You love, love, love having G&G here! And you loved visiting them. You just had a blast!

 You also love story time. We try to make it every week.
 You have turned into the baby who squeals with excitement when daddy is home. As soon as you hear him, you stop whatever you are doing. Wave your arms and wont stop until he comes to get you. It's the best thing ever. We both just love it.
You are starting to get some more hair! It's a dark blonde. It gets lighter and then darker each week. 

 This month was Bremy's 2nd birthday. You are the reason it was not the worst day. 

 We love you more than words EBK!

Weight: We will find out at the 1 year visit!
Diaper size-  size 3 disposables 4 unsnapped across in cloth.
Clothing Size:  9 months with a few 12 month outfits

Milestones:  This month was an explosion of milestones. You are saying dada, mama, yay, a two syllable sound for "Maverick", a gurggling sound for "doggie", bay-beee, and make sounds that sound like ya, hello and hi. It's pretty cute. Dada you say all the time, the other words are not said on command in any way so we just try to encourage you to make the sounds. I love your little voice. You are a lot more comfortable standing, but still no walking. You took some steps on your own with your walker toy and we thought you would be off soon, but you haven't tried on your own. You've been clapping since around 7 months and it is still one of your favorite things, you do the "roll it" motion during patty cake and clap along to that song as well. I really should write more down because I always feel like I forget things when I come to write these posts. 

Eating-  Still a great eater. You did great with lots of eating out when we visited Socal. Cheesecake factory offered us a baby plate-banana slices and slices of bread. Gotta love that BLW is commonplace. 
You are still nursing about 5 times a day.

Sleep: Consistently sleeping 11 hours through the night this month. Two naps, for about an hour each.

Favorite Toys: Loves the push car after riding one at Nana B's. We got one of our own for  you. Loves the walker, and of course anything that isn't a toy. Loves to go through bags and wallets! Just started some interest in puzzles. 


Sunday, August 25, 2013

10 Months!

Better late than never...

This month was full of big changes. Gone is our infant and here is our almost toddler. I''m in love with your sunny, charismatic personality, but will admit I miss my snuggly little baby.
You still love to be out and about and I can count on you to behave during meals and outings, which is really nice. Auntie A and Uncle M were up north for a wedding and we managed to see them for a Sunday brunch in Oakland. It was quite lovely, and of course you were all smiles.

It was a very hot 4th, so we were happy to attend a pool party at S's parents home across town. You are still not in love with the pool, but you tolertated it for an hour or so. I had run to Target that morning to find a float for you, and couldn't resist a clearance American flag bikini. My little American girl!

A few days later was my 30th birthday. I had always hoped to get away for my 30th, but with me losing my job this month, it just wasn't pracical. It ended up being a really fun weekend and definitely the best birthday I've had in a while. Several dinners with family and friends, a date day with your daddy (including a movie!), nice gifts and a happy baby. I don't think I could have asked for anything more and in the end it was nice to be home to enjoy those around us.

The rest of the month was fairly quiet. I wrapped up work which was no fun. I love my job and am very sad that I can't continue with such an ideal situation for our family. But, I'm very excited to see what life has in store.
Diaper size- moved up to size 3 disposables 4 unsnapped across in cloth.
Clothing Size:  Mostly 9 month clothes now

All tests have come back clear on any hormonal issues regarding her growth. She's growing slowly but surely, but is still so tiny!

Milestones:  Second bottom tooth has appeared, though not fully out quite yet. Crawling faster and faster and now pulling up on all objects. A few cruises along the furniture, but still very unsure of walking. Talking (babbling) all day long, with dada being the most prevalent sound by far. Makes a "hiii" sound when greeted, says bababa and mimics inflections really well. Responds to the word "no" as well as her name. Loves to facetime and recognizes the signature ring whenever we are calling anyone. Loves to see her own reflection and pictures. 

Eating-  Still loves eating but has stopped eating veggies. She sees them and removes them from her plate. We rely on the squeeze pouches of baby food to get vegetables in her and are still trying to offer greens as much as possible. 

Continues to nurse well and can make it about 5 hours between, if needed although usually we feed every three to four hours.

Sleep: After some very hard work, she is back to sleeping like a champ. The past three weeks she is napping 1.5 hours two times a day and falling asleep on her own very consistently. Night time is about 11 hours of straight sleep,although she has now started waking up at 530 after a 7pm bed time. We are working on getting back to 630am!

Favorite Toys: loves to rip up paper and loves to touch and handle anything that is not a toy. While getting ready for my birthday dinner, I desperately offered her a basket of hotel sample toiletries and other semi safe objects and let her  play with them as I did my hair. She was obsessed and it kept her busy for a good half hour!

Going Home

At the end of July, I went home to Southern California for the first time in almost two years. I cannot believe it had been that long. But, with buying and remodeling a house and then a very restricted pregnancy, there was just never time to make the trip down. My parents come up north almost once a month, but thanks to my brother's fiance's bridal shower in her hometown, I finally had a reason and the opportunity to visit!

Originally, it was just going to be E and I, but at the last minute B was able to get the time off. We had a complete blast!

We ate our way through town. There were so many places I've been missing! Most importantly, I introduced E to some real Mexican food. I love living in  Norcal, but the Mexican food up here does NOT compare!

We also enjoyed a lunch on the beach and E got her first "walk" in the sand and her first up close glimpse at the ocean. I was pleasantly surprised that she reacted so enthusiastically. She got really excited as soon as we made our way on to the beach and was just mesmerized by it all. 

 Two very long time friends just had their first babies and I was chomping at the bit to hold those beautiful girls! Baby Q and baby T did not disappoint. It was just a dream to see my childhood friends as mommies.
E mostly seemed oblivious to baby Q, that is until I lifted her up to see and she tried to grab Q's eyeball!

 So fun to see the brand new baby and the brand new Mommy! 
Baby Q at just 11 days old! She is the teeniest little angel baby. I could have held her all day long. I was also so excited to see Auntie K's new house. Absolutely gorgeous! I also could have just stayed there all day!
 The next day we traveled to Auntie A's new house in Los Angeles. It was so fun to see. Baby T is on the right. My naked baby felt right at home and both girls made themselves quite comfortable there. We made a whole day of it and I really enjoyed catching up with my girlfriends. We are hoping Auntie A gives them a cousin soon!

Of course the reason for our trip was to attend Auntie S's bridal shower. She is from such a beautiful little town in the Santa Barbara wine country. It was a gorgeous day and a lovely shower. It was a little warm, and definitely wore E out. She took a good nap while we had a little after-shower wine tasting at the wedding venue!

We reconnected with some old neighbors whose kids used to babysit me and my brother. They now have big kids of their own. E met several of them, and had fun playing with the baby of the family, K. He let her borrow his push car and we laughed until we cried watching E convulse with excitement when we pushed her in this thing. It was just precious. 

E's schedule was nowhere to be found all week and she did great. Slept like a champ and just absolutely loved being out and about. There were several late dinners, long drives and days where she was in and out of the car seat twenty times. This girl loves to socialize and I'm so glad because we had a blast. It was a great, much needed trip!