Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Bitter, Party of One?

As a person who was once single for a very long time, I still find myself reverting to certain fears about being single for the rest of my life. I have to say that finding my future husband at age 22 was something I had never, ever imagined possible. I never dated in high school and by college I was having too much fun to be tied down in a serious committed relationship. To be honest, I always thought I'd be 29 and panicked. Now that I have several unmarried friends who are 30 or older, I'm not sure what all of the fuss was about, but from what I hear, this is a common "worry".

While only one of my high school friends is married, most of them are in very serious relationships. But several of them are not. Several of my co-workers are not. And most of them are not happy about it.

I have to admit that I had a great time being single and carefree, but now that many of my friends have been dating unsuccessfully for a number of years, I can see that the joy of being "free" is starting to wear off for them. I try to sympathize, but I can tell that my encouraging and hopeful words are being met with disbelieving gazes and whispered "whatevers". The consensus is that I just cannot understand what it's like. I met my husband- to be fresh out of college, without any great heart-break or any long drawn out "drought" as they call it. Fine.

But then comes the inadvertent eye roll whenever the conversation remains on wedding-talk for too long. Even on the phone. Yes, I can hear their eyes rolling. For the most part, my very best friends are very excited about the wedding and want to see my ideas and hear about our progress, but there are quite a number of friends who it really seems to pain. Is it a coincedence that these particular friends are all single?

Believe me, I have a lot of other things going on in my life and I generally start my conversations with news about everything but the wedding, but sometimes there is something "new" in my wedding world and it comes up. And I can tell that they just do not care. I try to think back to when my cousin was married while I was as single as could be, I try to remember when my first high school friend was engaged and I was still waiting for a date to call me back. I remeber that point in my life, granted that was three years ago, but yes, I remeber being single. One thing I don't remember is being bitter.

Sure, I understand if weddings aren't your thing, or if it makes you nauseous to talk about centerpieces or dress shopping. I don't always have an avid interest in my friend's and co-workers topics of conversations, but I still care. I usually don't roll my eyes and I definitely don't make discouraging comments. Like I said before, my best and closest friends for have been great as usual, but I'm starting to see some true colors from the rest of the crowd. Has anyone else had any problems with the bitter party out there?


  1. I completely get what you are saying... I felt like I always had to block out the wedding aspect of my life with my friends. Then my MOH would complain that she didn't feel like she was helping... well, duh, because I didn't talk to her about things since she always seemed like she could care less!

  2. I haven't had this problem. Most of my friends are either married or in serious relationships, so I guess I never even thought about this being an issue. However some of them still get annoyed with wedding talk, which is part of the reason I blog about it. I feel like I can talk about weddings as much as I want on my blog, and the people that read it actually want to hear about it.

  3. For some reason, i do feel with single friends i take it down a notch, but i wonder if that makes them react to me ... I've not had bad experiences by any means... but sometimes i wonder is it me acting different? is it them? Am i being too sensitive? It's a lot of self-criticism, so i try not to assume and hope that if they have issues with my wedding chatter, they'll own up to it... It's a tough spot at time


  4. I completely get what you are saying about the rolling eyes.

    There was a definite period where I was bitter...since DH and I were together over 5 years by the time we got married and I'm 30, I was ready to be hitched. I loved listening to friend's wedding stuff and helping as needed, but it was hard at times...I wanted to be where they were. Not to say that's what your friends are feeling, just thought I'd share why I was bitter for a bit there. ;)

  5. Thanks for the input guys.

    Ryn-thank you for your perspective. I definitely try to be sensitive to what others are going through. It's hard when you have a group of people who are all at different points in their lives and relationships. I'm glad things worked out for you!!

  6. Ah ditto to what Ryn said. Good perspective.

    I say, just wait till they meet the man of their dreams (because you know it'll happen) and then you can roll your eyes at their previous rolling of the eyes. ;)

  7. I haven't had much of the same experience as you. But it does bother me when someone asks me about the wedding, then gets upset with me. Sometimes it's for saying to much. Other times, it's for being too vague. I struggle with how much detail to provide when asked.

  8. My bitter parties typically come more from married/attached but disgruntled friends as opposed to single friends, but nonetheless I hate it all the same! Just because your relationship isn't the greatest does not mean you have to be snarky/rude/cold toward my happiness.

    Great post!