yesterday was your second birthday. I tried to write this post four times, but the right words just wouldn't come...
It's been two years since I've felt you. I miss you more than I could ever describe. But, I'm able to say your name in a conversation without choking now. I'm able to think of you without the tears welling. Time, and more so your baby sister, are patching my broken heart together.
I'll never forget the moment I knew you existed. I'd taken many pregnancy tests in the three months prior, and casually decided to take one before I took a long bath. And there it was. Two very faint lines. I'll never forget that my reaction was to thank God instantly. I just felt so thankful from that very moment.
From that moment on, there was no going back. I was in a different frame of mind. A different, more exciting place. Life was instantly put in fast forward.
For 22 weeks my pregnancy with you was so much fun. I felt really great and felt like I looked good too! You were so incredibly active and I could feel every flutter so early on. I just loved that. When you were stolen from me, it was your kicks I missed the most.
We knew from your activity that you were so spunky. I feel like I can imagine the kind of baby and child you would have been.
I want to keep your memory alive, I want Ellie to know that she had a sister named Bremy. So many have reached out to me, to say they are thinking of us. I appreciate that there are people who understand that this is hard. I don't know why it's so hard for us, but it has been. Our hearts were shattered and while we're functioning and so incredibly happy to have your baby sister, it still feels so fresh.
Daddy and I spent the evening talking about you. He revealed some painful memories of the morning you were born, and said it's hard for him to know that there are some people in our life who look at your loss as a miscarriage and don't acknowledge the gravity of the toll it took. But for every person who brushes it off, there's two more who get it and have been so caring towards our family. We are lucky to have the support we have.
I truly hope we will meet again. I hope you are that spunky personality I imagine that you are.
Bremy you changed our lives in immeasurable ways. You prepared my heart for motherhood and opened my heart.
I love you and miss you.
All my love,