This morning I woke up early to get my dishes prepared for our Easter get together. I had to run to the store. It was a very beautiful morning, much like the Easters I grew up with in southern California. As I drove home from the store, I found tears streaming down my face. I just started remembering all of the Easter dresses I wore as a child, all the egg hunts and all of the great memories of the holiday. Those thoughts then transformed into the thought that this should have been Bremy's first Easter, and how beautifully I would have dressed her up and how much fun I would have had taking pictures and getting into the spirit of Easter. I tried my hardest not to cry, but even B could see I was upset when I walked through the door. I buried my head in his shoulder and just let myself feel the homesickness and disappointment I was feeling. Luckily, I bounced back quickly and got busy making my deviled eggs. These short lived bursts of grief have become my new normal. I don't know if I'm coping with her loss in the right way, but it still hurts so much and sometimes the pain is just too much.
The rest of the day was fine. A quiet get together with our close friends and an egg hunt for the children there. All I can do is day dream about next Easter and all the joy we will feel with our little one.