When someone tells me not to panic, I often wonder why. It's pretty much an open invitation for my brain to run a muck with worry and anxiety.
Yesterday, my perinate, Dr. M told me not to panic as she traced my cervix and the number on the screen showed 2.6 then 2.3 and then 3.0. She told me my cervix was shortening and there was some visible funneling on the ultrasound.
My heart just stopped. My face was getting heated. It wasn't the news I'd been anticipating.
She told me that there was some good news. One being that the funneling was minimal and was not yet coming in contact with my cerclage. Also, there was plenty of fluid around the baby and the stitch looked good with plenty of cervix behind it.
I hung on every word.
She told me she wanted me to take progesterone suppositories from here on out just to ward off any early labor. I told her I'd been feeling what I thought were contractions on Wednesday. I told her I felt one maybe two but then I fell asleep. She told me to call if I felt anymore.
I went home. I was emotional as I shared the news with B and my family. It just felt like the bad news was coming too soon. I had been feeling so confident and hopeful about this pregnancy and now my fears were coming to surface.
B had me lay down the entire night except to eat. I visited with his cousin for a while and laid in the guest room with some magazines. Then I felt the tightening again. No pain, but a definite bulge right in the middle of my tummy. Then again about 20 mintues later. After the third about 30 minutes later, I called and they told me to go to labor and delivery just to be sure.
I did not want to go but I knew if I didn't and something happened I'd never forgive myself. The whole way there I thought, what if she's coming? What if this is it? What if she doesn't make it? What if I lose another baby? What if she's in horrible shape. The worry. The panic. It's a bitch.
I was put in the recovery room, the same room where I'd recovered from my cerclage. The triage room was full. Luckily I had a great nurse and she strapped me up right away. Her monitor showed 5 mini contractions in 45 minutes. I had felt two of them. She called the perinate, Dr. V and he told her to do a fetal fibronectin. A swab of my cervix to see if I was in pre term labor. I'd heard of this test before and had read that a positive didn't mean much but that a negative was a 99% chance that you would not go into labor within the next 10-14 days.
We waited for the results, they were negative. Thank goodness because a positive would have sent me into a flurry of worry, even though it wouldn't have meant much. They told me I could go home and to come back if I was in any pain or felt anything more intense.
I was pretty perturbed that they didn't do another cervical ultrasound. I wanted to see if things were going downhill down there, but the nurse told me the Dr. did not order one. So I went home and tried to sleep.
Today, it's complete bed rest and trying to relax. I've been reading stories on babycenter of plenty of moms in my position, or worse who have made it really far. Some even to term. I'd just like to see September. It's just so early, and it feels so far.
It's funny, you tell me not to panic,I do. You tell me to relax, I can't.