I met with Dr. M today and cervix looks about the same, but slightly worse than last week. It became clear that my cervix is "dynamic" meaning that it can change from long to shorter at any given time. It may even be longer next week, which is what happened last time. The funneling was more visible today. The measurements they took were 1.73, 2.2 and 2.6 cm. She said she was still pretty hopeful that I would do ok and make it to the 36 week mark. But, she reminded me that it's all about baby steps and her next big milestone for me is 32 weeks.
What's hard for me is that I want so bad to make it to "term" aka 36weeks plus. I just want to lessen the trauma of this pregnancy and it's delivery. So many friends keep reminding me how wonderful reaching 28 weeks will be, how it will be wonderful if I make it to 32 weeks, etc etc. And I know this. Believe me, I am so grateful to have made it this far and to know baby is still in there growing and developing. But I want the whole thing. I want a full term baby so much. I guess I should rephrase, I want a healthy baby SO much. If she's healthy at 34-that's totally fine. I don't want my baby to struggle, I don't want to see her fight for her life. I just really want to take my baby home with me when I leave the hospital. I know the NICU at our hospital is fantastic, but I can't help but want things to be more "normal". It's hard to balance being grateful for each day, and want it all. I do wake up each morning and smile, knowing I've made it through another night and then other times, I think of how far we have to go. The best thing is knowing that each day I carry her, the better chance she has. I'm just trying my best to focus on that.
One other issue that was addressed at this appointment was my amniotic fluid. It was measuring above the normal amount which is apparently a complication of my gestational diabetes. My sugars have mostly been really good, but they explained that it's an issue with my placenta and hormones, etc, etc. There could potentially be some issues down the line if it gets bad, but for now they are just going to monitor and see. There's nothing I can do about it so I'm trying to just let it go and hope it doesn't turn into a scary issue for me. The Dr. explained the only immediate concern is that I'm carrying a heavier load and that's not what we want given my cervical incompetence, so it's just one more reason to take it easy.
I've been doing a really good job of resting. I work a couple days, do very minimal stuff around the house and sit and lay down as much as possible. Our friends, family and my hubs continue to be a huge help.
I'm not sure what to think after this appointment. I'm kind of taking it as everything is looking about the same. I just hope it continues. I've been feeling great-no pressure, no contractions. So I'm just going to continue to take it day by day and celebrate each morning with a baby in my belly!